A Review of GONE WITH THE WIND

This is my favorite movie, and in my mind, no other movie even comes close to it. It is based on Margaret Mitchell's 1936 novel of the same name.

Gone With the Wind is a movie I have been watching since my childhood, but a few years ago, I decided to read the book as well. I thought I might mess things up a bit by watching the movie first, then reading the book, as movies rarely follow their paper predecessors very closely. However, reading the book was almost the same as watching the movie. The movie didn't include Scarlett's oldest two children, Beau and Ella, but they were rather boring and unloved anyways. Other than that, the movie stuck pretty closely, and I am happy.

The movie, and book, follow the life of Scarlett O'Hara during the American Civil War and Reconstruction. I won't say too much about the movie, because some people might read this and think they know all there is to know about it, and not watch/read this wonderful piece of art. Instead, I will sum it up very briefly: Scarlett is the spoiled daughter of and Irish plantation owner; in love with Ashley Wilkes for the longest time; builds up a business for herself after the war, which is extremely frowned upon, not only because she's a woman, but because she does business with Yankees; marries Rhett Butler and has a child who dies trying to jump a fence, "just like Pa"; Melanie Wilkes, long-time frenemy, dies and Scarlett's life suddenly become more focused, ironically just as Rhett is leaving her.

This movie is full of great quotes, one of them being, "Tomorrow is another day." And the soundtrack is just wonderful, in my opinion. The song played at the very beginning is the best wordless song I've ever heard.

I could say a lot more about this movie, but if I keep going I know I'll never stop. I will leave it at that and throw a big recommendation out there that everyone should see this movie before dying.

A Review of SCARFACE

Scarface is one of those movies that, after watching it, makes you want to throw away your education and take up dealing cocaine. It does a great job of glamourizing drugs and crime, and while that may not be a good thing, I think it's awesome.

Al Pacino plays Tony Montana, a Cuban immigrant who arrived during the Mariel boatlift (a genius move on Fidel Castro's part; I suggest reading about it on your own time). He and his friend Manny discover that money can be made in the cocaine industry when they are recruited by a dealer to buy cocaine from Colombian dealers. When the deal goes bad, guns are pulled and chainsaws are brought into play. I looked away for a bit of this scene, because I don't enjoy watching people lose their appendages one at a time.

Anyways, the Colombians are shot dead right in the nick of time (though not for Angel, one of Tony's partners), so Tony grabs their cocaine. He doesn't trust the dealer he works for, so he takes the coke right to the head cheese, Frank Lopez. While visiting with Frank, Tony takes a shine to his wife, Elvira (Michelle Pfeiffer).

Skip ahead a few years, and Tony has killed Frank, stolen his woman, and is now a drug lord himself. Crazy Cubans, them and their ambitions. Of course, as with every extremely powerful and corrupt figure, his paranoia takes a very strong hold on him. I won't say too much more about the movie, but I suggest you watch it and see if it doesn't make you want to become a crazed drug lord yourself.

A Review of THE GODFATHER and its Religious Symbolism

Let us start out by saying that The Godfather is one of the best movies ever known to mankind. It is a gift from God, to be cherished and protected and revered. How's that for religious symbolism?

I'm kidding; there actually is deep religious symbolism to be found here. If you give this movie a thorough thinking-over, you will notice that the mafia system has a hierarchy similar to that of Heaven. Don Vito Corleone can be compared to God himself, as much as that is sinful to say, and his family is easy his "angels". The Tattaglia family can be thought of, from the Corleone point of view, as Satan and his demons. And all the meaningless lives that are taken in this family feud are comparative to man.

One character holds an exception: Michael Corleone. Though he is family, and the family can be compared to angels, Michael sits as a better human example. He swears he will never join his family lifestyle, but as time rolls along, he finds himself in many compromising positions that expose him to temptation. This certainly parallels the trials that come with Christianity.

Ironically, the deeds the Corleone family carry out cannot be considered godly in any way. It is as if the innocence and purity of Heaven had a child with the darkness and corruption of the Italian mafia, and the baby came out with an Italian-dominant gene.

I will leave the reader to ponder these thoughts. If you'll excuse, I have to use the confessional.

A Review of TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY

This is, without a shadow of a doubt, my favorite movie. It has a limitless stream of hilarious quotes, and Will Farrell brings some of his best comedic talents to the table here. I personally don't believe that it is possible to become sick of this movie.

This movie has provided many practical applications in my life. Once, I used a quote on a Biology test. When our family went to Montana and Wyoming this year, Brooklyn and I begged Mom to let us eat at an Applebee's so we could get kicked out. Brooklyn and I plan to get "Shake" and "Bake" tattooed on our arms. And someday I want to own a Crystal Gayle shirt and a pet cougar.

I like the way in which Ricky Bobby exaggerates the media's use of celebrities. One of the best quotes pertaining to this subject is, "And thank you for Powerade, which I am bound by contract to include in every grace..." The dinner table is also shown to be laden with Ricky's sponsors' products, like Kentucky Fried Chicken, Coca Cola, Taco Bell, and many others. And of the commercials Ricky does, the best is, "If you don't chew Big Red, then f*** you."

The only thing I can complain about is the usage of Sacha Baron Cohen in the film. I would really prefer not to have to look at his bristly, rat-like face and uncombed, unclean mop of Jew curls (no racism intended). But he is the antagonist, so at least you don't have to pretend to like him.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this movie, including the soundtrack. I downloaded almost every song to my iTunes. I am pleased that they made good use of Audioslave, one of my favorite bands. I also love the scene towards the end where Ricky and Jean-Girard are racing, on foot, to the finish line, and "We Belong" by Pat Benatar is playing. It's just all-around awesomeness.

I have learned a lot of great advice from Talladega Nights, and I try to share it as much as possible. When Russell asked me what he should get Tetinya for her birthday, I said, "Get her a coffin," although that may not have been appropriate. When Lace asked me to name a scary disease in our world today that she could use in an essay, I told her, "Snow blindness in cats." And I can't count how many people I have urged "never to go to Tijuana."

In closing, I would like to state my all-time favorite quote: "So Doc, when you say "psychosymatic" do mean like, he could start a fire, with his thoughts?"

A Review of DR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB

I really like this movie. Stanley Kubrick is always popping out great movies, but I think Dr. Strangelove is one of his best. It's a perfect satire of the Cold War and the associated nuclear scare.

The casting includes Peter Sellers and George C. Scott, with Sellers playing three parts. Supporting cast was composed of Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn, Slim Pickens, and Tracy Reed. Slim Pickens supposedly was told the film was not a comedy; apparently riding a bomb to earth like riding a bull in a rodeo wasn't much of a tip off regarding the seriousness of the film.

One of the best parts is the telephone call between the Russian president and the American president. The lack of severity involved, considering Russia is expected to be accidentally bombed within an hour, is hilarious.

Another great part is when Group Captain Mandrake, played by Sellers, is trying to make a phone call and asks a guard to break open the Coke machine so he can get some change. The guard replies, "Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you? You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company."

This is just an all-around great movie, made better by the over-use of the term "precious bodily fluids". It is my recommendation that everyone watch this movie at least once before they die.

A Review of BAMBI

Bambi is not a classic Disney movie for no good reason. There's nothing scary about it, unless you're afraid of watching a deer die, in which case you are not from Saskatchewan. If a movie is happy and not scary, I have nothing to complain about. I did find it sad when I was younger, but now that I'm older and know that death is a part of life, I realize that it was just Bambi's mother's time to go.

I really like this movie because it follows a deer as he grows up. Who doesn't enjoy watching a deer make his way through life? All the wacky friends he makes along the way just add to the goodness of the film. I like the owl and the rabbit, Thumper, and I kind of even like the sexually-confused skunk, Flower. But I think the best character is Bambi's father, the great stag of the forest. He walks around so proud and regal, similar to Queen Elizabeth, whom I also enjoy. I don't know if it's right to admire a cartoon deer, but I do.

I really liked the music this film had. That kind of music just relaxes you and gives you a feeling similar to sitting on the beach at Chitek Lake. That's what always came to my mind when the music played.

One thing I did not like about this movie was the way they depicted hunters. Yes, sometimes they may leave their campfire unattended thereby begin a forest fire, but that could happen to anyone. Hunters will not, however, shoot everything they happen to see. In Bambi, the hunters are shooting at quail, deer, owls, rabbits, skunks, chipmunks, gophers, and a variety of other forest creatures. Well no wonder PETA exists: they probably watched Bambi and believed that's what hunters actually do. Russell is a hunter, and when he's hunting, he tries to conserve bullets, not throw them around like they're free. Also, there are seasons for these animals! Hunters can't just walk into a forest and take out every animal they see!

That is my only complaint about this movie. Otherwise, I give it about a 7 on a scale of 0-10.

A Review of HIGH NOON and how it creates suspense

High Noon is a movie you cannot walk away from and not just because it has Philedelphia beauty Grace Kelly. This movie creates intense levels of suspense that keep you glued to your La-Z-boy chair, waiting to see who wins the epic duel between Frank Miller and Will Kane. The whole duel only about five minutes, so the waiting isn't exactly worth it, but that's alright.

Suspense is created the whole way through. The camera regularly shifts to a closeup of a clock, with the pendulum ticking away the seconds to twelve o'clock. Background is played often, with the beat of a ticking clock. Overall, it's pretty sweet. You keep sitting there, thinking, Wow, I wonder what's going to happen? And then, BANG! No, literally, it is a bang. This is a gunfight we're talking about here.

This movie is just one of those old films that you cuddle up with on a rainy day. You could watch it over and over, and still wait till the end because you're just that gripped by the suspense techniques.

A Review of CITIZEN KANE

Citizen Kane is terrific movie. It topped the AFI's 100 Years...100 Movies list as well as the Sight and Sound polls of the 10 greatest films for nearly half a century, and rightly so. It is a powerful film that shows the importance of love during childhood.

The movie follows a reporter who is trying to decipher the significance of "rosebud", Charles Foster Kane's dying word. We find out that Kane's parents gave him up at an early age to a wealthy man, and he is forced to grow up almost immediately. He spends his whole life making people love him, when he does not, or cannot, love anyone around him in turn. He also most definitely struggles with love and self-respect for himself. He indulges in things because he is rich enough to, and doing things at the slightest whim makes him feel like he is doing something immature and childish, like he would have done if he had been a kid longer.

He pushes away his friends, coworkers, and both wives, and dies alone in his mansion, Xanadu. I guess the man got sick of trying to please everyone, so he holed himself up in his house and stayed there. It's really a pretty heartbreaking story, but a good one. I recommend seeing this movie, and if you don't like it, well then go back to your Wii, you uneducated teenager.

A Review of THE MALTESE FALCON

I found The Maltese Falcon to be a very boring movie. I am not really into mystery movies, so perhaps that is why it didn't find it interesting. The story was hard to follow and I was mildly confused at some points.

I don't like to sit through a movie, asking questions the whole way through, and have to wait until the end to find the answers. I like movies that are simple and easy to understand. I go to school to be confused, so I like my movies to be plain and entertaining.

I have to give credit to the acting. Of course, with a cast including Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor, it is expected to be great. The actors did a great job of keeping suspense in the air, and there was no weak acting that I noticed.

Just because I did not like this movie does not mean I wouldn't recommend watching it. I'm not much for mysteries except Scooby Doo, but I'm sure this will be considered a classic for real mystery junkies.

A Review of SHUTTER ISLAND

Shutter Island is quite possibly the most confusing movie I've ever seen. I went to watch it with my father and sisters, and none of us could tell each other what the point of that movie was. I've concluded that there was no point except to mess with the audience's heads.
The movie is about U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels and his partner Chuck Aule investigating a missing persons case on Shutter Island. Teddy finds strange things and uncovers evil-genius ideas, but nothing is actually as it seems.

No, really, that statement has never been so true. You think you have a grip on the idea, and then the whole movie changes. So you get used to the new twists and turns, and suddenly everything is changed again. It changes so many times, you lose track of the movie because you're trying to absorb what is going on.

So who stars in this horrible attempt at a film? Leonardo DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, Mark Ruffalo plays Chuck Aule, Ben Kinglsey plays head psychiatrist Dr. Cawley, and Patricia Clarkson acts as escaped psychiatrist Rachel. To be fair, the acting is pretty good. But no amount of great acting can substitute for a complicated and cluttered plot.

I will give Martin Scorcese some credit for trying to pull this thing off. I mean, the man probably had a good base idea, but throughout the project some ideas must have been misconstrued and some ideas may have been added, so it's really not his fault. I like Martin Scorsese, because he's really good looking for an old man, so I will choose to put the blame for this terrible movie on the rest of the film crew.

A Review of SARAH JESSICA PARKER

Sarah Jessica Parker. A.K.A footface. I feel bad saying that, but Family Guy pointed that out once and it's undeniably true. I do not like Sarah Jessica Parker overly much. Her movies suck. I may be a bit biased, because I hate the Sex and the City T.V. shows and movies, but they really are boring. I don't find that she is a good actress, especially in Failure to Launch. I was actually angry after watching that movie. I didn't know why I was angry, but I was. Anyways, now that I've gotten my personal opinion out of the way, I will tell you some background facts on SJP.

She was born on March 25, 1965, making her a year older than my mother. She's originally from Nelsonville, Ohio, but her dance career prompted her family to move to New Jersey. She was cast in "The Sound of Music" and landed the lead part in the Broadway show of "Annie". After this play, she attended Dwight Morrow high school, but continued to act.

Also, Sarah Jessica Parker is a big Woody Allen fan. Her dreams came true when she was able to star opposite him in The Sunshine Boys in 1995.

Sarah Jessica Parker is married to Matthew Broderick. You may remember him from such films as Ferris Beuller's Day Off or The Cable Guy. I like Matthew Broderick so much more than his wife. Maybe it's just because he has endeared himself to the world through his character Ferris Beuller, or maybe it's because he's good looking. He's a much more capable actor than his wife, and I would rather see him in the next Sex and the City movie than her. But anyways, it's not my place to judge other human beings.

A Review of THE KID starring Charlie Chaplin

I found THE KID to be mildly amusing. I really enjoy silent films because it prevents annoying questions such as "What did he say?" from occurring. So, as a side note, next time you and that friend that asks a billion questions (yes, we all have a friend like that) watch a movie, just throw in a silent film and let the silence begin.
Anyways, back to THE KID, this 1921 film was pretty good as far as 1921 films go. In this hectic world we live in, it is rare that you don't have to listen to someone nagging the frick out of you or talking about that cute FedEx guy, blah blah blah, right? So watching a nice simple movie where the only sound is suspenseful music was a nice escape. The best parts are, of course, the scenes where someone trips or gets beaten by a woman with a parasol, because their carefully practiced facial expressions are priceless. I also enjoyed the fact that they stuffed a flat pillow down a guy's shirt to fill him out to make him look more built.
I don't have much criticism for this movie. Having been born MANY years after silent films went out of style, I am not familiar with the criteria that a silent movie should meet. Therefore I am an unfit judge. So I will just talk about things I liked about it.
I really liked that everyone wore makeup. I think that if silent films were alive and thriving today, Maybelline and CoverGirl would make a heck of a lot of coin on their Blackest Black eyeliners.
Oh wait, there is one thing that I am confused about. Near the end, there is a dream scene that is pretty random. Whatever, not my place to judge it though.